Most women want to know how their partner feels.

You may think it’s better to support whatever she wants, or you may not want to influence her too much, but it is important to tell her how you feel, knowing that ultimately she has to follow her own feelings. She does want to hear that you are concerned about her and that you care.

Even if you are trying to be strong for her, you are probably having some feelings about this situation. You may be scared for her, or for how your own life is affected. You may feel guilty. You may feel shut out of things or sad about the relationship, or upset at the idea of losing, or continuing the pregnancy. If you think that abortion is morally wrong, the solution lies in forgiveness. From yourself, for her, or if you are religious, from God.

If you both agree and support each other and talk to each other, the relationship can even get better. Even if you don’t agree, if you show that you care about each other, the relationship can grow, however this is a very difficult time, so be patient and take the time to talk each other.

Some men feel guilty that they caused the pregnancy, especially if they were not using a condom. Unless you pressured her into having sex, you are both responsible for the pregnancy. Tell her that you are sorry it happened and become involved in preventing a future unplanned pregnancy.

If your partner is blaming you, it may mean that she wants to hear that you are sorry that she is hurt or going through all of this. However, you do not have to take all of the blame. If she continues to blame you it may be her way of not taking responsibility.

Show her that you care.

• Let her know that you are sorry that she’s the one who has to go through all of this physically. 

• Keep in touch with how she is feeling. 

• Do something special for her. Flowers, a gift, dinner, card etc. 

• Be affectionate but be prepared for her not to want to be sexual. 

• Be understanding about pregnancy symptoms. Nausea, tiredness, irritability and moodiness are all pregnancy symptoms. Most will go away after an abortion. If she continues the pregnancy, some symptoms like nausea will go away after about 12 weeks. 

• If she chooses to have an abortion, you can read the post-operative instructions that she is given. (see instructions) Have pain medications available, and even a hot water bottle to help any cramps. You can help her avoid infection by avoiding intercourse for two weeks. 

• Help  with birth control. Use condoms or help to pay for other birth control options.

It may help for you to talk to someone too. We may be able to assist you with finding a  counsellor.